Throughout the day on 20090727, and throughout my Utah homecoming vacation, I had been twittering my plans and my travels. This included links to bus routes, Google Maps pinpointing my exact location, and photographs taken from my iPhone. I was microblogging my trip for the benefit of my friends in Utah so that they might rendezvous with me, for my friends back in Seattle, and also for my lovely wife, who had flown back to Seattle earlier due to the fact that she had recently switched employers and had not accrued as much vacation time.
Mechnoch is going to try to ride UTA to Provo and back today. Wish me luck.
http://twitter.com/mechnoch/status/2870426099
Mechnoch has a bus route http://ow.ly/ijbn
http://twitter.com/mechnoch/status/2873484024
Mechnoch just missed the dang bus. Nex one doesn't come for two hours!
http://twitter.com/mechnoch/status/2874647621
Mechnoch @jordan_atkin Unfortunately, I have been delayed. I'll let you know when I'm in your jurisdiction.
http://twitter.com/mechnoch/status/2875052129
Jordan_Atkin @mechnoch I may be out of my jurisdiction until a little later this afternoon, forgot i might need to head to payson myself.
http://twitter.com/jordan_atkin/status/2875095677
Mechnoch @jordan_atkin half the reason I was headed to Provo/Orem was to get a flash drive to steal NIN bootlegs from you.
http://twitter.com/mechnoch/status/2877198027
Mechnoch @jordan_atkin If you'll be in Payson in the next few hours, I might just wait and ride the bus back with you.
http://twitter.com/mechnoch/status/2875830984
Jordan_Atkin @mechnoch It is likely that I will take the 3:00 bus to payson and probably take the 5:15 bus back. I'll be down at the bus stop closest to-
http://twitter.com/jordan_atkin/status/2876090848
Jordan_Atkin @mechnoch ... the hostpital. So I'll probably be visible there around 5:00.
http://twitter.com/jordan_atkin/status/2876110569
Mechnoch @jordan_atkin Unfortunately, I have been delayed. I'll let you know when I'm in your jurisdiction.
http://twitter.com/mechnoch/status/2875052129
Jordan_Atkin @mechnoch I may be out of my jurisdiction until a little later this afternoon, forgot i might need to head to payson myself.
http://twitter.com/jordan_atkin/status/2875095677
Mechnoch @jordan_atkin half the reason I was headed to Provo/Orem was to get a flash drive to steal NIN bootlegs from you.
http://twitter.com/mechnoch/status/2877198027
Mechnoch @jordan_atkin If you'll be in Payson in the next few hours, I might just wait and ride the bus back with you.
http://twitter.com/mechnoch/status/2875830984
Jordan_Atkin @mechnoch It is likely that I will take the 3:00 bus to payson and probably take the 5:15 bus back. I'll be down at the bus stop closest to-
http://twitter.com/jordan_atkin/status/2876090848
Jordan_Atkin @mechnoch ... the hostpital. So I'll probably be visible there around 5:00.
http://twitter.com/jordan_atkin/status/2876110569
Mechnoch is remixing @nineinchnails' The Good Soldier. My favorite track off Year Zero.
http://twitter.com/mechnoch/status/2878093800
Mechnoch @mechnoch "...and the bass goes *bomb*" holy shit this is sounding good.
http://twitter.com/mechnoch/status/2878730554
Mechnoch grabbed a Mountain Dew @ Little Caesars while I wait for the UTA 822 bus. http://yfrog.com/76dlkj
http://twitter.com/mechnoch/status/2879068485
I got on the bus in South Payson, and Jordan caught the bus at his designated stop. We spent the bus ride reminiscing about Payson High School, how much distain we each have for certain things about Utah, and the fact that a bus driver wouldn't let Jordan on the bus wearing his Obama shirt a week before (but that's a whole 'nother story).
At this point it would have been quite clear to anyone following us closely on Twitter that we're on the Payson/BYU Shuttle together, and will likely have to transfer buses at Brigham Young University to make it to Jordan's apartment.
I was suddenly aware that my phone was ringing (playing my custom The Good Soldier ringtone) with a Cedar City number that I didn't recognize, and it appeared that I had missed a call from the same number only moments before. I could not think of anyone I knew with a Cedar City number and was quite curious about why they were so persistent in calling.
I called the number back, but due to the excessively loud bus I had trouble hearing the person on the other end.
"[Unintelligible] has an urgent message for you," I could not make out their first words at all, so I asked them to speak up, because I was on the bus.
There was a long pause, as if the phone was being handed over. The bus was just pulling into our stop at BYU, and Jordan gestured to me that we should get off the bus now. Someone picked up on the other end, and started speaking very clearly and deliberately.
"THERE IS A BOMB ON THE BUS. IT WILL GO OFF IN 25 SECONDS. GET OFF THE BUS NOW."
I almost shat myself. Thoughts were racing through my head as to what the hell could be happening. Both Jordan and I were somewhat outcasts in our high school, and I believe were both questioned and monitored after the Columbine massacre to ensure that we weren't a threat. We had made a few enemies in high school, but until now I had never considered that coming back to haunt me. I remembered my trail of Twitter breadcrumbs, Jordan and my mutual public distain for Utah via Twitter. Coupled with the fact that we had just arrived at BYU campus, universally recognized symbol of Utah higher education, and shining star of the LDS Church and Mormons everywhere, I was convinced that this was real, and someone was framing Jordan and me for a terrorist attack on BYU.
"This is our stop. We're getting off the bus now," I said.
My heart was racing at this point, and as soon as the bus pulled away and the roar of its engines died down I asked frantically,
"Ok, who is this and what's going on!?"
"[Laughter] This is Bradley Crouch!"
Fear boiled away and flared into rage at the fact that I had been so thoroughly mislead and terrified at what now was obviously an extremely terrible joke.
"You do know the DHS is monitoring this conversation, don't you?" I responded.
Brad spoke very clearly and deliberately into the phone once again, "Uh oh. There's not a bomb on the bus. THERE IS NOT A BOMB ON THE BUS."
I didn't tell Jordan exactly what that whole conversation was all about until we got to his place, because we were getting on another bus. I just let him know that someone was just fucking with me, and said things that we shouldn't repeat while we're on the bus.
Now that the Department of Homeland Security's automated domestic wiretapping system has likely flagged that conversation, and added me to their watchlists until the content can be more thoroughly analyzed by an agent, I have a message for the DHS: Hi DHS! *waves* For all its faults, I love Amerca. I even love Utah, even though I complain about it. I am not a terrorist. Please don't give me a hard time on my flight back to Seattle. Please?
http://twitter.com/mechnoch/status/2878093800
Mechnoch @mechnoch "...and the bass goes *bomb*" holy shit this is sounding good.
http://twitter.com/mechnoch/status/2878730554
Mechnoch grabbed a Mountain Dew @ Little Caesars while I wait for the UTA 822 bus. http://yfrog.com/76dlkj
http://twitter.com/mechnoch/status/2879068485
I got on the bus in South Payson, and Jordan caught the bus at his designated stop. We spent the bus ride reminiscing about Payson High School, how much distain we each have for certain things about Utah, and the fact that a bus driver wouldn't let Jordan on the bus wearing his Obama shirt a week before (but that's a whole 'nother story).
At this point it would have been quite clear to anyone following us closely on Twitter that we're on the Payson/BYU Shuttle together, and will likely have to transfer buses at Brigham Young University to make it to Jordan's apartment.
I was suddenly aware that my phone was ringing (playing my custom The Good Soldier ringtone) with a Cedar City number that I didn't recognize, and it appeared that I had missed a call from the same number only moments before. I could not think of anyone I knew with a Cedar City number and was quite curious about why they were so persistent in calling.
I called the number back, but due to the excessively loud bus I had trouble hearing the person on the other end.
"[Unintelligible] has an urgent message for you," I could not make out their first words at all, so I asked them to speak up, because I was on the bus.
There was a long pause, as if the phone was being handed over. The bus was just pulling into our stop at BYU, and Jordan gestured to me that we should get off the bus now. Someone picked up on the other end, and started speaking very clearly and deliberately.
"THERE IS A BOMB ON THE BUS. IT WILL GO OFF IN 25 SECONDS. GET OFF THE BUS NOW."
I almost shat myself. Thoughts were racing through my head as to what the hell could be happening. Both Jordan and I were somewhat outcasts in our high school, and I believe were both questioned and monitored after the Columbine massacre to ensure that we weren't a threat. We had made a few enemies in high school, but until now I had never considered that coming back to haunt me. I remembered my trail of Twitter breadcrumbs, Jordan and my mutual public distain for Utah via Twitter. Coupled with the fact that we had just arrived at BYU campus, universally recognized symbol of Utah higher education, and shining star of the LDS Church and Mormons everywhere, I was convinced that this was real, and someone was framing Jordan and me for a terrorist attack on BYU.
"This is our stop. We're getting off the bus now," I said.
My heart was racing at this point, and as soon as the bus pulled away and the roar of its engines died down I asked frantically,
"Ok, who is this and what's going on!?"
"[Laughter] This is Bradley Crouch!"
Fear boiled away and flared into rage at the fact that I had been so thoroughly mislead and terrified at what now was obviously an extremely terrible joke.
"You do know the DHS is monitoring this conversation, don't you?" I responded.
Brad spoke very clearly and deliberately into the phone once again, "Uh oh. There's not a bomb on the bus. THERE IS NOT A BOMB ON THE BUS."
I didn't tell Jordan exactly what that whole conversation was all about until we got to his place, because we were getting on another bus. I just let him know that someone was just fucking with me, and said things that we shouldn't repeat while we're on the bus.
Now that the Department of Homeland Security's automated domestic wiretapping system has likely flagged that conversation, and added me to their watchlists until the content can be more thoroughly analyzed by an agent, I have a message for the DHS: Hi DHS! *waves* For all its faults, I love Amerca. I even love Utah, even though I complain about it. I am not a terrorist. Please don't give me a hard time on my flight back to Seattle. Please?
1 comment:
Wow, very interesting. That phone just relays so much info.
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